One of the most common questions you get asked when you announce your pregnant “is when are you due?”
To put it simply. February. Ish. But everyone always then follows up with “yeah but when in February.” For a variety of reasons, we (and by we, I do mean I – Robbie is just complying with me at this point) have decided not to share our due date.
And here is why.
Due Dates Are Only Estimates:
Less than 5% of babies are actually born on their due date. Less than 5%. To me, that number is so powerful. I am very much the type of person that can put a lot of stress on myself when deadlines are coming.
In school, I could have a project due in a week that would be completed and would just need some simple grammatical changes, and guaranteed a night or two before the due date, the panic sets in. Suddenly there is this irrational fear of a deadline. 3 more days… 2 more days... I want every day to be cherished like it could be my last day. Instead of putting a focus on saying “oh I am due in three days.”
By simply eradicating and not associating with an actual “due date” I am eliminating the internal stress of having to have our baby by a set date.
Everyone starts with the “Is the baby Here Yet” or “Today’s the Day” Messages:
My friend had our Goddaughter in June and I remember hanging out with her and her receiving message after message of “is the baby here yet?” I imagine by the time the babies ready to come, I will be large, uncomfortable, and possibly have a wee bit less patience than I would usually have.
I already am probably the worst person to respond by text, and I dread it. I don’t want to be bothered by all the messages of people just wanting to know.
The Moment People Know You are Overdue the “I was over due and I HAD to have a C-Section” Speeches Start:
The first half of pregnancy is so wonderful. People around you are so pleasant, congratulating you, asking you questions as to if you will be finding out the gender, and how did you tell your partner you were pregnant.
But somewhere around half way, the topic changes from pleasantries to people (women and men alike, oddly enough), to these horror stories of their own personal accounts with birth. I won’t even mention some of the stories people share because we all know what people are going to say. So let’s save ourselves that visual.
The most incredibly wonderful thing (insert slight sarcasm here) about the horror stories is this: one way or another my baby is going to have to exit my body. So the last thing I need is negative stories when all I want to be surrounded with is positive, mindful, and uplifting birth stories.
Tell me your horror birth story after you had your birth. Not now, years later as I’m preparing for mine.
However, with that being stated, once people find you are coming up to your due date or slightly past (which is incredibly normal and not to be a concern for the vast majority of Mama’s because some babies just need a little extra time growing on the inside), people start with the “I laboured for X amount of hours until I had to have an emergency c-section” or I HAD to have a c-section because I was overdue.
The thing with birth is that birth is such an intimate and personal choice. Every women deserves to have the birth choice that they wish to have. I know that birth can unpredictable and that you may have to roll with the flow as it progresses. But hopefully in those moments, you are educated about your choices and informed of whats going to happen next.
By all means, if you want an elective c-section, do it! If you want a natural birth, I hope you get that! You want an epidural, get that too! We all have different dreams and visions when it comes to our birth experience.
But for me (and a lot of women), we don’t want visions of worst cases scenarios dangled over their head to keep them up those final few nights.
Stress Can Inhibit Your Natural Oxytocin Production:
The stress that a soon approaching or recently passed “due date” can create stress for some women or a pressure to “perform”. In similarity, it is very comparable with the never ending messages of “is the baby here yet” can place a lot of stress or ability to perform on your body.
Oxytocin, also referred to as the love hormone, plays such a critical role in labour. Produced by the hypothalamus, it is secreted into the bloodstream and plays a vital role in the contraction of the uterus and also with lactation. Natural oxytocin produced by the body stimulates uterine muscles to contract, and helps increase production of other hormones that help to naturally assist surges (contractions) increase in frequency and intensity.
It’s such an important hormone in birth, something you definitely don’t want to willingly inhibit. So hopefully by limiting the amount of people that know our estimates due date we will eliminate the pressure externally but also limit the pressures that Robbie and I have for ourselves.
To Keep It More Intimate:
The act of conceiving our baby was far from the intimate ordeal I was anticipating. In fact, my husband wasn’t even in the same province when we “conceived.” I’ve shared more intimate details on this blog than a person who would conceive naturally would.
We know how babies are conceived. Our basic sex-ed classes in elementary school informed us of that much. What they didn’t tell us was how babies are made when infertility problems arise. That’s why I created this blog in the first place, to explain the complexity of conceiving via Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART). The highs and lows that infertility brings forth, and complex science that is involved in the whole process.
We have shared so many details that most wouldn’t. So for now, this is our little sliver of intimacy. Our little secret to hold and cherish. It’s not to be a tease and dangle it about the heads of our friends and family. It’s for all of the reasons that are stated in this customized blog post.
We Will Tell You When Our Baby is Here:
I can promise you, that when our sweet little bundle of love is here, we will tell you. Close friends and family will get a personal message and the rest will find out via our social media accounts. I promise there won’t be a “oh we had the baby three weeks ago.” You will know, so just trust the process and trust us.
So who does know our estimated due date? Anyone involved in our prenatal care and of course Robbie and myself. Other wise, it is a complete secret. But in all honesty it really is a complete secret. No one knows when our sweet little baby will arrive and the unpredictability of that is all the fun.
If there is anything that I have personally learned from our infertility journey that certainly still applies to this moment right now, it is that all good things come in due time.